Brrrrrrrrrroooogh-fffffffff. Blimey, the dust in here!

[Duggie shakes his head...vigorously, it seems]

"Gerrroffff!" Says his mate, "that's a flamin' snow storm!"

"You saying I've got Dandruff?" says Duggie, and I tell you, he's a large fella.

They start wrestling, like the guys in The Rainbow by Ken Russell (but not naked, too cold for that)

"Hey you two," says the writer, "what do you think you're doing?"

"Ugh?" [they say this collectively]

"Your public are watching..." says the writet.

"But we've been left in this bloody cupboard - along with a load of dancing porcelain figures for months!" says Duggie, spitting out a mouthful of hairy dust and flies.

"...and Duggie's been playing only Tangerine Dream all that time," says his mate.

"What the soundtrack-writing Krautrockers?" says the writer.

"You got it. And he's only using vinyl, Steve didn't give us a CD player when he locked us away..." says Duggie's mate, watching Dug unwrap a Twix, his first in 5 months.

"Mmmmmmmmmn" scrunch, scrunch, "ORRRmmmmmmm" says Duggie, immersed in Twix-dom.

"Alpha Centuri's gotta groove to it, but Zeit. Huh! I had to focus on the crackles on the record, it was weirding me out and no mistake!" said his mate, shaking hands with one of the porcelain dancers.

"Enchanted, my sir," says the dancer, curtsying, "do not say you are leaving us. So soon?"

"So soon," said Duggie's mate, "we've been in here for months!" He quite fancied this dancer, despite her being a 6 inch tall figurine.

"Months! Ha!" she said, "Myself and the troupe have been in here since 1956."

[NOTE: Porcelain timescales have no human comparison]

"mmmScrun...ttt, MMMwe...mmmm..brrr...here... now!" said twix-ed up Duggie.

"Duggie says," says Duggie's mate, "we're back and here to discuss music and other things. To pick up the thread that we dropped sometime ago. To bodly go, where no piece of psychedelic surrealism has gone before..."

[Oi - none of that splittinglyness of the infinitives...even in a paraphrase]

The writer pseaks: "Until next time viewers...I think it's Lativan Heavy metal then. Bet you can't wait."

["nor can I," says Mr Stickleback]